How to talk to your kids about [whatever]

March 4, 2011 By Leave a Comment

Photo by Tommy Wong, and used under a Creative Commons license

Our five-year-old son has become increasingly interested in what’s going on in the world, and since I have a habit of listening to NPR whenever we’re driving around, he hears a bit of news each morning and afternoon.  (We also have always watched The Colbert Report and Jon Stewart’s The Daily Show in front of him, so he’s already fairly savvy about the ways TV news shows, and particularly those on FOX, try to manipulate their viewers.)  In the past couple of weeks, we’ve heard news about a major earthquake, mass uprisings across the Middle East, labor protests and social unrest in the U.S., and Qaddafi firing on his own people.  We do shield the boy from many news stories, but as my husband works in the news industry, there’s often some kind of news lingering in the background—be it televised, on our computer screens, above the fold of the morning newspaper, or emanating from the radio.

My husband is far better at explaining humanity’s moral failings than I am–I’m better with the natural disasters because I can get all sciencey.  I’ve been learning a lot from the spouse, but I decided recently that I should also see what the experts are saying about talking to kids about disaster, turmoil, and tragedy.  Here’s what I found:

Do what you can to make kids feel safe.  Comfort all kids, but be aware that school-age kids might be wondering if the tragedy will happen to them, regardless of whether it’s a terrorist attack or a natural disaster.

Allow your children to talk about their fears.  Don’t dismiss their feelings, and make it clear that you’re listening to what they’re saying—and really hearing their concerns.

If your child is emotionally distraught, help him calm down.  Kids are better listeners when they’re calm.

Listen to your child, and respond to her concerns with phrases like “I understand” and “How can I help?”

Physically put your face on a level with your child’s and make eye contact.

When explaining natural disasters, simplify scientific explanations so they’re age-appropriate.

Be truthful but not too explicit.  You don’t need to provide a ton of detail to most kids, as it may only serve to inflame their imaginations in unproductive ways.

Explain that disasters like the one your child is worried about are rare in your city/state/country.

Repeat your message for preschoolers and other young children.  If you think it’s appropriate, have them repeat the main message back to you.  (For example, you might ask, “Are we safe?” and encourage your child to say aloud, “We’re safe.”)

Don’t be afraid to say “I don’t know.” (If appropriate, follow up with “. . .but I’ll find out.”)

Take steps to help remediate the tragedy or disaster, even if it’s remote from you geographically or culturally.  Give your child space to respond; you might ask elementary-age or older kids “What should we do to help?”  (Depending on the disaster, possibilities might include assembling hygiene kits, donating to reputable charities, or conducting a canned food drive.)

Some of these tips may seem like common sense, but the list has reminded me of several tactics I already know but don’t employ frequently enough.

Not surprisingly, most of these tips could be used to open communication with your child about racism, mental illness, homophobia, poverty, pollution, and all manner of social ills.

Want more?  I recommend Children Now’s resource page on Talking with Kids About Tough Issues.  Topics include:

Feel free to share your own tips in the comments.

Filed Under: communicating with kids, educational resources, how-to guides, television

“Squashing all the actual learning and delight”

June 13, 2008 By 1 Comment

In response to my recent question, “What do you worry about?” Ephelba replied,

I worry about state regulations squashing all the actual learning and delight out of education.

I worry about these same things. It’s why I’ve always loved museums, especially natural history museums, children’s museums, and science centers.

Last weekend, I was in Southern California and I visited the delightful Children’s Garden at the Huntington Library and Botanical Gardens.

The garden features low flowing fountains, misting fountains, a vibrating pool of water, tunnels, topiary and whimsical sculpture, and even a very strong magnet with magnetic sand that together create awesome effects–you can literally watch the sand jump off your hand and onto the magnet. On the day my son, my parents, and I visited, there were a few dozen ethnically diverse kids from a local preschool visiting the site, and the learning and fun they were having really reinforced for me something I’d been musing on for a while: hands-on science is one of the best ways to create learning experiences for all children. Not all children might find their way to the Huntington’s ritzy Pasadena neighborhood, but all children should have access to the kinds of materials–water, magnets, sand, plants–that are available to them in the Children’s Garden.

I’m not saying that hands-on science learning is always entirely free of racial overtones, nor that it’s value-neutral, but it is an avenue for enriching curricula that, thanks to No Child Left Behind, emphasize math and reading comprehension to the exclusion of critical thinking in other disciplines. Just going to a science center to play–even if your child is too young to understand the exhibit labels or the concepts the activities reinforce–can trigger new connections in his or her brain. I still don’t know, for example, how the greenish wall captured and held children’s shadows in the old Museum of Science and Industry in Los Angeles (now the California Science Center), but as a kid I experimented with the distance I stood from the wall, watched the shadows fade as lights flashed again and again, and teamed up with other kids to create interesting silhouettes. That kind of play helped me think about how three-dimensional forms can be represented in two-dimensional space, as well as made me consider how much detail is lost when a two-dimensional image of a person is reduced to a single color.

I’ve read countless research studies on sustained hands-on science learning and its effect on the later academic and career achievement of girls and children of color. The research is not always conclusive–in some cases it’s too early to measure the long-term effects of certain experiences–but studies do seem to indicate an increased and sustained interest in science and a greater curiosity about the world.

That said, I’m not convinced most parents understand how best to take advantage of a family visit to a museum or science center. There’s a lot you can do in advance to prep your kids for the best possible learning experience, and most of it won’t take much time on your part. Accordingly, I’m working on a guide on how to get the most out of your family’s visit to a museum, science center, botanical garden, zoo, or similar institution. I’ve designed and built a number of science exhibits and activities for different institutions, and I‘d love to share with you some of the secrets of exhibition design–secrets that will help you better interpret and learn from the exhibits you encounter with your children.

But before I finish this guide, I want to know what your questions are about museum-going, exhibit development, hands-on science education, or informal learning with your kids. What information would you like to see included in the guide?

Filed Under: hands-on education, how-to guides, outdoor education